Avast! from the past, that is, 9/02/2004

Privacy Schmivacy
I *hate* it when people ask me how I'm doing.

"HahYuhDooin?"
"How's it goin'?"
"Tsup?"
"And how are we today, Don?"

Desiring to minimize any inappropriate natural bent I might have toward misanthropy, I have tried to analyze why I feel this way about something it seems almost everybody else does, or enjoys, or doesn't mind, or takes for granted, or thinks is no big deal. Here is what has bubbled up:

[editorial comment, 21 years later - There is more than a little inbred hostility and defensiveness in this, and self-righteousness is quite a fortress against teachability. Sadly, I think many who know me now would still recognize my inherent personality behind these words. But c'mon! Does not the world need a few people who are willing to say what some others are thinking?]

1. Most people who ask it don't really give a damn about me; and a few have even wanted me to die or at least leave.

2. It seems like nothing more than something to add after "hello" - simply because we feel awkward about leaving it at "hello" but are too lazy, shallow, distracted or uninterested to really initiate some kind of meaningful conversation.

3. I do not have a naturally carefree personality, so if I happen to be enjoying myself at a given moment, or am at least not being self-conscious, I hate the way the question jars you back into self-analysis.

4. Human relationships are really important. Insincere habitual conversational slogans tend to make them seem less significant.

Not that the question never gets asked by a person who sincerely cares about me. I know it's not that simple. But usually it is more or less obvious since people who really do love you usually demonstrate it in more solid and compelling ways than just enquiring glibly about your present emotional consciousness.

If I'm ever in doubt, I sometimes will just shovel right through the polite game and drop the question bomb: "Is your question a legitimate and sincere enquiry after my well being, or is it merely a variation on hello?" This usually plumbs the way to the truth pretty quickly.

All that to say, my most immediate reason for starting this blog is so that, when someone asks me how I'm doing, especially in an e-mail (cripes!), no matter who they might be - from a total stranger whom I distrust, all the way to one step short of the incarnate Son of God who died for my sins and lives forever to reign over All Things but still has the time and compassion to give me a listen when I'm sufficiently troubled to stop relying on my own paltry resources - that, when someone asks me how I'm doing, no matter who they might be, I'll be able to say, "Tell you what. Let's talk about something a little more significant, then, later on, if you still want to know, you can check out my blog? What do you say?"

Putting how I'm doing on the internet for all to see? It's either crazy, since people who don't love me might use it for devious ends, or its almost not worth the trouble, since who is really going to read it anyway? But really:

-If someone wants to get me (in a bad way), they don't really need a blog to do it, since, in any case, I've never been very good at keeping myself hidden
-If someone's really interested, they might enjoy reading some of this stuff, and can just stop when they want to without worrying about rudeness
-How significant am I, really?
-Privacy Schmivacy

Copyright © 2004 Donald L. McIntyre All Rights Reserved